I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
