sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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