I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
