Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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