She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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