I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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