you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
