Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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