Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
