i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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