so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm having to shit out rocks
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
