The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
so much tequila, so little girl.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
