I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
