This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
