WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
