Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
