If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
