from now on my penis is your penis
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize