He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
