We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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