Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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