i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
