so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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