I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I understand Curling. That high.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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