At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
