Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Pants are for mortals
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
