she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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