this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
