just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
