Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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