she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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