apparently the secret to your success is patron
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
