i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize