the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
