She announced her abortion via fbk
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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