We won't sleep together?
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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