It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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