Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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