What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
