Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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