when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
