I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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