just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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