You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
