tell your sister to shave her snatch
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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