so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize