why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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