What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
