My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Do vagina's smell?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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