they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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