i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
