DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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