Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Dignity is for republicans.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
