So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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