What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
