Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
