My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
