I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
