I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
