He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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