Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
