I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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