dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
