He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize