I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Randomize
