Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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