my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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