Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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