I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
This is my gift to your gina
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
