somebody snuck up and got me drunk
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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