Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I forgot how hot balto sounded
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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