just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
