420 ftw
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
