If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
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