When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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