The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize