Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
