true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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