first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just sucked dick on a ferry
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
