I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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