Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
how drunk are you?
Several
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
