Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
