If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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