let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
