Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
We just shotgunned beers for America
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
