Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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