I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
