Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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