Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
