This girl is more easily done than said...
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
