I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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