You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
