she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
