I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
