Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
