I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
