im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
