If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize