How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
