good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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