some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
