so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
