We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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