you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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