i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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