it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I take back everything I said about communal showers
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
